“Trust in the Lord with all your heart; and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him” – Proverbs 3:5-6
Two years ago, today, March 29, 2017, I received the worst phone call of my life. The call letting me know that my mom unexpectedly passed away. The one who brought me into this world, the one who gave and sacrificed everything, the one who taught me morals and values, the one who truly loved me is longer no physically present.
I spoke with my mom the night before to check on her as she was sick with the flu. She mentioned that she couldn’t keep anything down and was constantly sweating. I said “Mom, try and eat some soup or crackers to settle your stomach” You know that’s the common thing to do when you’re sick; take some medicine, drink a lil orange juice, rest up, girl you’ll be fine. That’s what our mamas and grandmas instilled on us. I could tell in my mom’s voice that she wasn’t feeling well and sounded kind of weak. But I didn’t think anything of it. She’s going to be fine. She told me she was going to get herself together and I said ok I’ll check on you later.
I go to work the next day, doing my regular duties, interacting with coworkers, etc. My coworker and I get back from lunch around 1pm. I sit down at my desk and notice my cousin Jaleesa calling my cell phone. I think to myself “ummm this is weird because she never calls during this time of day” I answer and hear her quietly say “Robin…. your mom is gone. I’m so sorry” I’m like “Gone??” What do you mean she’s gone? She said,” your mom passed away”. At this point, I’m still not understanding because I just talked to my mom the night before. She can’t be gone!! I leave my desk and walk to over to the conference room to finish talking with Jaleesa. After asking fifty million more questions, she puts me on the phone with the paramedics and they confirmed she was not breathing and had passed away. I immediately fell to the floor and just hollered. From that moment my life changed forever. But the pain didn’t stop there, on April 11, 2017, my grandmother passed away from a bleeding stroke.
My mom had been diagnosed Sarcoidosis which is the growth of tiny collections of inflammatory cells in different parts of your body, primarily in the lungs, lymph nodes, eyes, and skin. She battled with Sarcoidosis along with asthma for a long time, but she always pushed through and continued to live life to the fullest.
Losing my mom and grandmother have been extremely hard to deal with it. In the beginning, you receive all the condolences, calls, text messages, flowers, and cards. And you’re so thankful for the amount of support from family and friends. Then slowly those calls and messages become less and less. Everything seems to have folded over and back to normal right? I’ve asked God numerous times trying to understand why He let this happen? What was his purpose? What did I do to deserve my mom being taken away?
In July 2017, I took a leap of faith and decided to start my own business with Beautycounter. Beautycounter is an education first company that specializes in formulating safer high performing products for your entire family, along with advocating for laws that better protect our health. I felt this was an amazing opportunity to step outside my comfort zone and try something different. It wasn’t about selling amazing products, but I got a chance to educate and make a difference for women in our community. Now was this business easy?? Hell no! There were plenty of times where I got discouraged and wanted to give up. Throughout the summer and fall months, I was on top of my game! Feeling like a real boss! Traveling every weekend, networking, attending conferences, hosting events and inspiring women from all over.
Now here comes the holiday season…. The most “wonderful time of year” they say. For me, there was nothing wonderful about it. Bump you and your Christmas Tree. My first Thanksgiving and Christmas without my mom and grandma. It was truly hard to accept. They were the glue that held our family together, literally two peas in a pod lol. During this time, I realized that I never gave myself time to grieve. By the time, I mean attending to my physical needs, getting back to a normal routine, seeking therapy, etc.
I made the decision to step away from Beautycounter at the end of 2018 because I knew mentally that I couldn’t commit to the responsibilities and duties of my business. I just couldn’t do it and I was okay with that.
As I approach my 30th Birthday in July, I reflect on how God has kept me thus far. There were plenty of days and nights where I’ve cried out like LORDDDTTT I cannot do this! Trust me, these past two years has been full of ups and downs. I find myself getting more emotional because this point in my life is when I need my mom the most. I’m going to need that guidance and support whenever I become a mother or when it’s time to get married. No one can ever take the place of your mom, so cherish her while she’s still here.
For anyone that’s suffering from a loss, I’m here to say it gets better in due time. Let your moments happen, it’s a sign of release.
Facebook: Robin LaShea